Think Romantical Thoughts

As someone who has yet to have a Valentine in my lifetime, I am of two minds when considering the holiday. Of course it is an out-of-control commercialized holiday. And yes, if you're in a relationship, you should show that person that you love them all the time, not just on the day that everyone else does. And yes, it makes people more unhappy than happy. Expectations are not met. Dreams are not realized. Shocking realities fall down all around us. All in all, a very miserable day.

On the other hand, I am thoroughly jealous of those who are looking forward to it, who have expectations, who are excited. Even more, I am jealous of those who have plans and surprises lined up. But one thing does hold true- I pity those who are in a relationship where there is no creativity. Where there is only an obligation, a last minute gift with no thought pulled the shelves of crappy heart-shaped boxed candies that taste like ass at your local gas station that you 'luckily' went into the day before. If I had a Valentine, I would spoil them with all the creative gestures I could come up with. Because it shouldn't be about about yourself. It should always be about them. When you purchase that low-quality teddy bear with the big cheesy red heart on it, it screams "I'm saving my own ass here. I didn't WANT to do this- I HAD to do this". Pathetic.

Things that would not be pathetic:

Cute signs in the snow. We just had a blizzard- theres tons of it. I hope I can spot some this weekend.

Little handmade creative signs. You don't need a $4.96 card when you have hole punch remains!

Personalized card- I imagine this entire thing being just blank card with the words written by YOU, not by a professional card writer. I'm sorry, I'm not dating Halmark. Last time I checked at least.

Food. Know your person. Get them their favorite whatever. Make them their favorite whatever. Me? Cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine. But not today- you'll ruin my diet.

Flowers- again, know your girl. Or your guy. Even if you don't know their favorite flower, you should at least have picked up on their favorite color by now. And try to reflect their style. For me, roses have too many layers- I love more elegant simplicity. This bouquet of flowers would most likely make me cry. DONT LOOK AT ME!

Heck, if you know her favorite color, get her a FABULOUS accessory in that color! I just really love purple, I couldn't resist posting this. I don't think I could handle that headpiece...looks like shes being attacked by an octopus...

Better than a bouquet of flowers, get her a PLANT. A live PLANT. Not only does it help save the environment, she can keep it and take care of it and its a regular reminder that, yes, you DID get her flowers once, no matter how much she screams at you that you don't. Plus, for me, nothing more depressing than having to throw away a gift, which is what will eventually happen with cut flowers.

Look around. Does she collect anything? Can you look it up online? Is she missing something from that collection that you could pull out your credit card and buy for her? GIFTS ARE EASY PEOPLE. (oh and yes, I don't own any of those yet. Feel free!)

Things don't have to be pretty and sweet and overtly girly and romantic. Share an interest in a raw and violent film? Hook her up with collector editions of your mutual favorites and make a day out of watching them. Get some photographic stills and hang them up in the bathroom. Not only can they replace those kitten and puppy in the hammock pictures that you have to stare at when you pee, but you've taken the initiative and hung them up! YOURE A MAN AND YOU CAN WEILD A HAMMER! We love those.

Rent a hotel room. I am a HUGE fan of this. Not only for obvious reasons, but also because its a break from your stuff. Its nice to enter a space NOT a disaster zone of your own making with your own junk. Plus, super clean sheets... someone to pick up after me.... MINI BOTTLES OF SHAMPOO! Eugh I'm such a sucker for hotels.... I'd stay in a different one every night if I could.

Push comes to shove, you want to guarantee a successful Valentines day with me? GET ME THIS TATTOOED LAMBORGHINI.

I wont even bring up jewelry. I've ranted about it in the past... feel free to look it up.

And this concludes my Valentines Day Gift Guide 2010! You're welcome.